Lying About My Feelings

close-up picture of dead flowers
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I have lied about my feelings for so long that I don’t even know I’m lying.

Somewhere early on in life, I decided that I would only feel the “right” feelings in any situation.

I would experience a hard situation, and instead of being honest—I’m sad or anxious or really angry—I would think about what I should feel. Hopeful. Grateful. Forgiving. Content.

Instead of moving through my honest feelings in God’s safe and loving presence, I denied them and ignored them and skipped past them and learned not to pay any attention to them.

I’m learning that the “right” feelings to bring to God are the real feelings. The honest grief and resentment and complaints. The all-too-present fear and stress and anger.

It’s only then that I can experience God’s presence with me. Only in that honesty that transformation and healing becomes possible. Only there that the “wrong” feelings might become an invitation to grace.


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Hi, I’m Amy Julia.

I write about faith, family, disability, and privilege.

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