Entrusting vs. Letting Go

entrusting letting go
Summer 2020

I used to think about “giving over” parts of my life to God as letting go. I saw my hand clutching tightly to various aspects of my self—work, family, food, body image, money, the future—and I would envision opening my hand and letting go of whatever I had been grasping.⁠

Letting Go

I feel myself trying to assert control by grabbing various aspects of my life. Time. Success. My children’s behavior. The to-do list. I want to hold it tightly to try to make sure it doesn’t all fall apart.⁠ ⁠

These days, letting go has begun to feel like falling apart. Like it all might shatter on the floor or float away on the water or dissipate. I don’t want to let go in the midst of such uncertainty.⁠ ⁠

A few weeks ago on my podcast interview with Marlena Graves, I mentioned a sailboat that was anchored and rocking on the sea in front of the summer cottage where we were staying. I mentioned seeing myself held by God like the hull of that sailboat. Anchored. Steady. Rocking in security until it was time to set sail.⁠

Entrusting

It gave me a vision of entrusting my life to God instead of letting go. Handing over all those things I grasp and try to control for safekeeping. Trusting that God will hold on to them and take better care of those people and tasks and responsibilities than I will. That God will relieve me of some of them, work with me on some of them, and hold on to some for later.⁠ ⁠

My new morning prayer is to sit with my palms open on my lap, close my eyes, and envision that sailboat rocking on the gentle water. I breathe in with the words “I am held in the arms of love.” I breathe out with the words, “I entrust my [life, family, work, body, day, feelings] to you.”⁠

I am not letting go. But I am opening my hands and my heart. I am entrusting myself to love.⁠


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Hi, I’m Amy Julia.

I write about faith, family, disability, and privilege.

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