I woke up feeling despondent about the second glass of wine from the night before. Feeling worried about the tightness in my jeans. Feeling disappointed in all the things I hadn’t finished. Feeling disappointed in me.
I went through the motions of the morning: turn on the tea kettle and fill up the water bottle. Pull the cat close for a morning snuggle. Settle into the big white armchair and open up the journal and decide to be honest with all those feelings.
And what came in turn was a reminder, an insistent reminder, that my disappointment in myself is not God’s disappointment in me:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
It’s a beautiful line that almost hides its own repetition. To be steadfast is to be unceasing. Love. Love. Love. God says.
God’s mercies never come to an end.
Another (thankfully, mercifully) repetitive line. God’s unmerited care keeps going. Forever.
And then the very best part:
They are new every morning.
New. Again. Today. Right now. For you. Love. Mercy. Again. Again. Again.
I breathed it all in deep. And put on my shoes and braved the winter-in-March-in-Connecticut and went outside for a run.
Great is your faithfulness, O Lord.
When I wake up to disappointment, I also wake up to mercy and love. Thank God that love is what remains.
More with Amy Julia:
- “What Do You Want?” Is Not a Trick Question
- I’m Giving Up Potato Chips for Lent
- What Energizes Me? Anxiety or Love?
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