I woke up feeling despondent about the second glass of wine from the night before. Feeling worried about the tightness in my jeans. Feeling disappointed in all the things I hadn’t finished. Feeling disappointed in me.
I went through the motions of the morning: turn on the tea kettle and fill up the water bottle. Pull the cat close for a morning snuggle. Settle into the big white armchair and open up the journal and decide to be honest with all those feelings.
And what came in turn was a reminder, an insistent reminder, that my disappointment in myself is not God’s disappointment in me:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
It’s a beautiful line that almost hides its own repetition. To be steadfast is to be unceasing. Love. Love. Love. God says.
And then:
God’s mercies never come to an end.
Another (thankfully, mercifully) repetitive line. God’s unmerited care keeps going. Forever.
And then the very best part:
They are new every morning.
New. Again. Today. Right now. For you. Love. Mercy. Again. Again. Again.
I breathed it all in deep. And put on my shoes and braved the winter-in-March-in-Connecticut and went outside for a run.
Great is your faithfulness, O Lord.
When I wake up to disappointment, I also wake up to mercy and love. Thank God that love is what remains.
More with Amy Julia:
- “What Do You Want?” Is Not a Trick Question
- I’m Giving Up Potato Chips for Lent
- What Energizes Me? Anxiety or Love?
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