As we move into the holiday season, I’m so thankful for this invitation from psychotherapist Niro Feliciano to approach these weeks with gentleness, flexibility, and honesty about the lives we’re actually living, especially for families experiencing disability.
Here are small steps that she gives us for navigating the holidays with more peace, presence, and compassion:
1. Re-examine your expectations every single year.
Our lives change. Our kids change. Our needs change. What worked last year might not work now. Take time to ask: What’s true for our family in this season? What needs to be let go? What can stay?
2. Ask what’s actually doable right now.
Hold your hopes and dreams loosely. You don’t have to throw them out, but you might need to say, “This is for later, not for now.” Naming what’s realistic frees you to show up with less pressure and more presence
3. Leave room for life to be unpredictable.
Plans will change. Kids will need things you didn’t expect. You might need things you didn’t anticipate. Build in margin instead of packing the calendar tight.
4. Choose what’s right for your family.
Not what Instagram says. Not what extended family wants. Not what “holiday tradition” demands. Ask yourself, “What honors who my child is right now? What supports our family’s well-being?”
5. Make space for both/and.
Life isn’t one emotion at a time. You can have chaos and peace. You can feel disappointment and joy. You can be overwhelmed and grateful. Allowing both makes room for deeper, truer experiences.
If we enter the holidays with grace, toward ourselves and our families, we might discover moments of peace we didn’t expect, right in the midst of the chaos.
There’s more! Take the Next Step podcast🎙️From Chaos to Calm-ish: Holiday Survival for Disability Parents with Niro Feliciano, LCSW
SUBSCRIBE to my Substack newsletter: amyjuliabecker.substack.com
JOIN the conversation on Instagram: @amyjuliabecker
LISTEN to my podcasts: amyjuliabecker.com/shows/
CONNECT on YouTube: Amy Julia Becker on YouTube
