A few years ago, Peter and I both cried at our daughter’s annual meeting to discuss her IEP (Individualized Education Plan) goals. We cried because we were so overwhelmed with pride in her and gratitude for the people who have walked with her. I choked out the words thank you to the women present, the ones who really saw Penny and were for her and wanted her to flourish.
There have also been times when I’ve cried during IEPs because it’s all so hard. Evidence suggests most parents dread these meetings, which underscores the grief that comes alongside a society that doesn’t always value our children and the fear that our kids won’t be seen in terms of their strengths and capabilities but only in terms of their deficits.
So I was grateful to talk with Meghan Burke on the podcast this week. Her research at Vanderbilt University explores how parents and caregivers can advocate for disability services with less anxiety, conflict, and confrontation.
Here are tips you can take with you into your next IEP or advocacy meeting:
1. Bring someone with you.
Bring someone who can take notes and be another set of ears to pick up on things you wouldn’t necessarily pick up on.
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2. Take a break if you’re feeling overwhelmed
If you feel yourself starting to get overwhelmed, excuse yourself to take a break.
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3. Have a “phone a friend.”
Call someone you can talk to or cry with when you’re feeling overwhelmed during the meeting.
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4. Write a parent input statement.
Before the meeting, write down the things you want to cover, what you think is going well and why, and the things you have concerns about.
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5. Review the draft IEP ahead of time.
Reviewing the draft lets you identify what you agree with, what you have questions about, and what you want to address. Instead of having everyone read what they wrote during the meeting, you can say, “We don’t need to do that. I really just want to talk about X, Y, and Z.” You’re taking the power back a little bit.
From special education and IEPs to the transition into adult disability services, Meghan reminds us:
The best resource we have is each other. There are families ahead of us who have already walked this road, and families alongside us learning as they go.
Hear more on Take the Next Step: How to Navigate IEP Meetings and Disability Services with Meghan Burke, PhD
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Amy Julia Becker desires to challenge assumptions about the good life, proclaim the inherent belovedness of every human being, and help us envision and build a world of belonging where everyone matters. Amy Julia invites people to reimagine the good life through her writing and speaking on disability, faith, and culture. She is the author of several books, including To Be Made Well, White Picket Fences, Small Talk, and A Good and Perfect Gift. She is a guest opinion writer for national publications and hosts two podcasts: Take the Next Step and Reimagining the Good Life. Becker is a graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary (MDiv). She is a member of the Disability Ministry Network and the Alliance for Disability Justice and Ethics in Reproductive Genetics. She lives with her husband and their three children in western Connecticut.
