What happens when a hard season doesn’t last twelve weeks or even twelve months, but twelve years?

I think about friends who have middle schoolers with a disability diagnosis who are literally up every night, even after twelve years. That cumulative nature of chronic stress can affect our families and our marriages. How can we learn to navigate it together, rather than turning against one another? Monica DiCristina joined me on the podcast to help us identify the ways we respond to chronic stress and offers practical ways to prioritize connection, even when our circumstances remain the same.

1. Recognize the weight of chronic stress. 

Chronic stress is the fatigue of holding things you cannot put down. Over time, it can show up as exhaustion, irritability, anxiety, or a sense that you no longer have the energy to care for all the people and things that need you.

__

2. Notice how chronic stress affects your marriage. 

When the demands of caregiving continue for months or years, resentment and scorekeeping can become part of a couple’s relationship. We may find ourselves keeping track of who got up in the night or who has carried more of the load.

__

3. Recognize unhealthy coping patterns. 

Blame, shame, control, and escape are common ways we cope with pain. Recognizing our own patterns can help us respond with greater awareness and compassion.

__

4. Tackle the cycle, not each other. 

When life is hard, it is easy to see our spouse as the problem rather than recognizing that we are both caught in a difficult pattern. Naming that pattern can help us remember that we are on the same team, facing a hard season together, rather than making each other the enemy.

__

5. Prioritize connection, even when circumstances don’t change. 

We may not be able to change the demands of caregiving, but we can take small steps toward one another. Sharing a morning coffee, checking in about the week, or holding hands can remind us that we are not alone in carrying the weight.

Hear more on Take the Next Step: 

Is Your Marriage Just Surviving? Disability, Chronic Stress, and Caregiving • Monica DiCristina, LPC

---

SUBSCRIBE to my Substack newsletter: amyjuliabecker.substack.com

JOIN the conversation on Instagram: @amyjuliabecker

LISTEN to my podcasts: amyjuliabecker.com/shows/

CONNECT on YouTube: Amy Julia Becker on YouTube

Amy Julia Becker desires to challenge assumptions about the good life, proclaim the inherent belovedness of every human being, and help us envision and build a world of belonging where everyone matters. Amy Julia invites people to reimagine the good life through her writing and speaking on disability, faith, and culture. She is the author of several books, including To Be Made Well, White Picket Fences, Small Talk, and A Good and Perfect Gift. She is a guest opinion writer for national publications and hosts two podcasts: Take the Next Step and Reimagining the Good Life. Becker is a graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary (MDiv). She is a member of the Disability Ministry Network and the Alliance for Disability Justice and Ethics in Reproductive Genetics. She lives with her husband and their three children in western Connecticut.