I used to be a Valentine’s Day hater. Other than our first year of dating (which is to say, many decades ago), Peter and I have avoided romantic gestures on February 14th. We decided to save those for anniversaries and birthdays and random occasions. We also instituted a weekly date night over twenty years ago, so celebrating Valentine’s Day can seem performative and superfluous.
And then I had kids, and we had to send in a gazillion pieces of candy with cute little cards and sayings and I always forgot that it was happening and scrambled to catch up and resented it all.
But now that they are older, and there are no expectations from anyone else about what I will do on Valentine’s Day, I’m becoming more of a fan. My mother and my aunt do things like bake cakes in the shape of a heart and send them to people a few days before to let them know they are loved. I’m still not skilled at thoughtful gestures ahead-of-time, but I’ve warmed to the idea of simply telling the people I love that I love them. That I’m grateful Marilee calls me in the middle of the day just to tell me what she ate for lunch. That I love how much William revels in the details of public transportation systems. That Penny will always make me smile with her request to work on the photo album together. And that I will never take for granted a husband who willingly listens to me narrate even the most mundane details and obscure observations of my day.
So I suppose it is fitting that this week’s podcast episode is about cultivating a thriving marriage as parents of children with disabilities. I didn’t actually plan it this way, which again tells you just how much attention I pay to Valentine’s Day. Still, I’m grateful for the timing of this conversation with Todd and Kristin Evans about simple ways for couples to connect in the midst of both the ordinary and the most intense family circumstances.
I hope you get to celebrate the people you love and the ones who love you this week.
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