It is hard to convey the joy I felt while standing among six young adults with disabilities on a Saturday morning. In this case, I got to hang out with Penny and her friends while they went bowling.
You may recall that a few weeks ago I talked about my one small step toward developing connections for Penny with friends from her new school. (I will note here that new is actually new-ish, as Penny is midway through her second year. That said, for Penny, after seven years in one school and twelve years in one school district, Post University still feels very new.) My small step was creating a parent directory so that we could communicate with one another and our kids could gather outside of school. That small step took more effort than I expected, but it finally resulted in a list I used to suggest a bowling and lunch outing the Saturday before Thanksgiving.
Penny and I arrived in the parking lot, and I felt my anxiety engine revving in my chest. I wondered if it would be worth it to gather these students. I felt the drumbeat of my own to-do list and started regretting that I had planned a three-hour event. I worried that the whole thing would feel awkward and forced.
And then one of Penny’s friends greeted me as soon as we stepped out of the car. He moved toward me with a smile, hand outstretched, already saying thank you for what was about to happen. He seemed confident without being arrogant, intentional but not intense. I soon met the others—the girl Penny had told me about for a year as her fellow Swiftie, the boy she has giggled about, the girl she eats lunch with every day.
They struck me as more unfiltered than most young adults I meet. More vulnerable, I suppose, but only in the best sense of that word. Without pretense. Without ego. With straightforward disappointment and unabashed delight. As they bowled, they celebrated each other. They teased each other. It was a delightful day of connection. Not only that, but it has led to more—next week we are hosting a gathering (this time only for the Swifties) to watch the Era’s Tour movie.
The Small Steps We Took
I wrote a lot last year about how hard the college transition had been for Penny (and for me!). But I’m here to tell you that small steps—even when they seem to take forever—can make a big difference.
If you’re wondering what your next small step is, I will end with two thoughts. One, if you’re overwhelmed by the holidays, then your small step might be to wait and ask yourself this question on January 6th. That’s a small step toward self-care in and of itself! Two, if you’re ready to go ahead, think about one thing you want or dream or hope for. Or—depending on the age of your child—ask them one thing they want or dream or hope for. From there, keep asking questions to make the step itself smaller and smaller, more and more manageable.
For me, in the situation I just described, Penny hoped to feel more connected to friends at Post. That’s a pretty vague idea, but we realized that getting classmates’ phone numbers and emails would help. Then we had to think through how to get that information. And then I needed to show up at an Open House and pass around an optional sign-up sheet for parents.
You might also prefer to think right now about a hope or dream for this holiday season ( I talked a little bit about this in my episode with Niro Feliciano a few weeks back). Is it a hope for a family movie night? Or for a simpler Christmas? As Niro and I talked about, taking small steps towards those types of goals might mean asking for help, setting different expectations than the past for ourselves or for others (like watching a very short movie or only visiting Santa with part of the family), or letting go of idealized versions of the holiday. What is one small step you can take towards greater peace and hope and joy?
I return to my morning of bowling with Penny’s friends, and I want to give us all permission to be more like them. We are invited to be vulnerable with the safe people in our lives, to show up with a warm welcome, to celebrate each other, to express both disappointment and delight, and to do it all with gratitude, one small step at a time.
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