To my knowledge, no one has ever called our daughter Penny by the most common slur used to demean people with intellectual disabilities, the r-word. I’m glad she hasn’t been the target of bullying or abuse. But I’m still alarmed by the rising prevalence of this word after years of its decline.
Rolling Stone documented a recent increase in the word across social media platforms. A recent study published by Montclair University showed a sharp increase in usage of the r-word on X (formerly Twitter) after Elon Musk used the word repeatedly. It seems that Musk has provided a permission structure. Words can be contagious.
In 2009, the Special Olympics designated the first Wednesday in March as a day to “spread the word to end the word.” The campaign highlights the emotional impact of this word on people with intellectual disabilities.
But this word—and other words like it—aren’t only problematic for the people they ostensibly target. The r-word deforms us all.
When Elon Musk uses the r-word, he typically intends it as an insult to another typically developing person. He’s using it to insult, for example, an astronaut, or “the woke left.” He isn’t using it to target someone with Down syndrome or another intellectual disability. The same was true when, for example, my friend dropped her fork and said, reflexively, “I’m so r-ed.” Or when the high school kids in the movie Bring It On trade put-downs.
The Harm of the R-Word
Anytime the r-word is used as an insult—whether or not it is directed at someone with an intellectual disability—it envisions a world in which some people are more important than others. It equates intellect (and speed) with human value. It turns humans into objects who need to defend their right to exist based on their abilities, achievements, and economic productivity.
It also provides a rhetorical shortcut. Instead of explaining why I disagree with you, instead of opening up a dialogue in which I assume we might be able to learn from one another even across our divisions, I simply insult you. The word dehumanizes its recipient, and it cuts off the possibility of engaging as humans.
The Reason Not to Use the R-Word
The reason not to use the r-word is not political correctness or wokeness. The reason is not even empathy for the disabled.
The reason not to use the r-word is because how we name one another shapes and forms us into the people we want to become. And when we use language that seeks to honor and understand, to connect and engage, we not only protect vulnerable people from becoming the butt of jokes, we protect our own humanity.
The Point Is not Perfection
I should also say I don’t expect any of us to get our language “right” all the time. It has meant the world to me when friends have used the r-word in my presence and later followed up to apologize and talk more about it. I’ve used language in other settings that I later regretted or thought better of, and I too have needed to return and have more conversation.
The point is not perfection. The point is to use language that builds up instead of tears down, to honor and respect one another’s humanity, and to seek, however imperfectly, to use language that shapes our imagination for a world of belonging.
MORE WITH AMY JULIA:
- Why Changing the R-Word Only Matters So Much
- Free Resource: From Exclusion to Belonging
(a free guide to help you identify and create spaces of belonging and welcome) - Book: A Good and Perfect Gift: Faith, Expectations, and a Little Girl Named Penny
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