When your family includes disability, you can’t do every holiday thing. Joy doesn’t have to look like a Hallmark movie. The holidays can pull us in a dozen directions at once. One of the simplest ways to bring more peace into this season is to identify what really matters and invite support to make those things possible. Here’s how:
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1. Start With Non-Negotiables
Ask yourself: What actually matters to me (and to us) this season?
Maybe it’s important that the child who loves Santa gets to see Santa but that the child who is afraid of Santa gets to stay home. Both needs matter. That clarity helps you know what’s worth planning for and what you can release.
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2. Ask for the Help You Need
Once you name your non-negotiables, consider what it will take to make them happen. For example…
You can’t be at the mall with one child and at home with another at the same time. That doesn’t make the plan impossible. It just means you need help. A partner, a friend, a grandparent, a neighbor can step into the picture.
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3. Release the Myth of “We All Have to Do Everything Together”
Joy doesn’t depend on the whole family doing every activity together. Sometimes the healthy choice is to let go of the “picture-perfect” version of an outing and make space for what’s true for your actual family.
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4. Use “Healthy” as Your Guide
Instead of asking:
- Is this normal?
- Is this what everyone else is doing?
- Is this the ideal?
Ask:
- Is this healthy for me?
- Is this healthy for our family?
If the answer is no, you’re free to let it go.
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There’s more in my conversation with Niro Feliciano!
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