I used to love developmental charts and graphs and measurements when it came to parenting.
Then I hated them.
And now I’m realizing their value all over again.
So I loved the milestones that marked when kids were supposed to walk or talk or clap when I thought they would tell me that I was doing everything right and deserved a parenting prize. And then I was given a daughter with Down syndrome. And she didn’t walk “on time.” Speech came slowly too. Everything seemed unpredictable and uncertain. I knew that if I paid too much attention to the milestones, I would think that we were somehow failing her, or I would think that she just needed to work harder. I learned instead to receive her as she was—delightful, beloved. I learned to celebrate who she is instead of what she can do.
A New Study on Developmental Milestones
Recently a study came out that offers the ranges of time when kids with Down syndrome can be expected to walk and talk and sip from a cup and climb stairs. At first, I felt skeptical, as if the doctors just wanted to push parents back onto a hamster wheel of performance and achievement with their kids.
But I think there’s another way to use these milestones. The study showed that kids with Down syndrome have a really wide range of time in which they might learn a new skill. Some kids with Down syndrome walk at age two. Others at age six. Neither one is doing something right or wrong. In each case, the child is taking the next step towards learning and growing, and we can celebrate those steps. We can also use them as a guide to know when outside intervention might be helpful.
Measurements like this harm us if we use them to try to determine human value. But they serve us if they give us ways to celebrate kids learning and growing—and sometimes needing help—at their own pace.
MORE WITH AMY JULIA:
- Embracing Belovedness: A New Approach to Parenting and Mental Health
- Workshop: Reimagining Family Life with Disability
- FREE RESOURCE: 10 Way to Move Toward a Good Future (especially for families affected by disability)
Let’s stay in touch. Subscribe to my newsletter to receive regular updates and reflections. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube and subscribe to my Reimagining the Good Life podcast.
