Anyone who has read this newsletter or followed me on social media knows that I have been beating a drum of taking one small step1 at a time toward a good future.2 There are days when the small steps seem like insignificant, inefficient, impossibly tiny movements that will never result in anything of substance. I’m here today to report that sometimes all those small steps actually add up.
Anyone who follows my writing might also have noticed that one of the refrains of my parenting journey with Penny has been her desire for friendship.
So I was kind of overwhelmed with gratitude and excitement when last week became a pile-up of goodness in our household when it comes to friendship. First, a young woman from Penny’s dance class texted to tell Pen that she wouldn’t make it to class that night. This might seem inconsequential, but it felt so meaningful to me that another student feels connected enough to Penny in class that she wanted to tell her she wouldn’t be present.
Second, a friend from church reached out to see if Penny would like to go to a show (at church) together. They had dinner beforehand and saw friends perform in Annie and happened to also bump into my friend Niro. It was a great evening.
And third, I reached out to the mother of a girl Penny has mentioned from school, and we got together at Starbucks. I want to hone in on this last one for a minute. I spent most of last year wishing we had a way to connect with other parents from Penny’s program, and I couldn’t get the school to give me anyone’s information. So this year, I took the small step of asking if I could assemble a parent directory. I haven’t done anything grand with the information—no formal gatherings, no group text threads. But I did (finally) have a way to reach out to the mother of the young woman Penny mentions most. And we did find time to get together. I watched Penny and her new friend Lexi just talk—and giggle and enjoy themselves—for over an hour.
Going to Starbucks. Receiving a text. Making a plan for the weekend. None of these are big steps and none of them are noteworthy for most teenagers. But together they signal connection, friendship, community, belonging.
Most days small steps feel like they aren’t enough and they will never be enough. But sometimes we get to see that small steps contribute everything we need to slowly—without a magic wand—move toward a good future.
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