I have a planner that asks me to write down my “ideal week,” and every week I write down that I want all of my appointments to somehow fit into one chunk of time. That never happens! The doctor, the vet, the Social Security person—they all have their own schedules, and somehow none of them have appointments during my ideal two-hour calendar window.
That’s a small picture of a much bigger reality for many caregivers: the unpredictability can feel like the only predictable thing. So how do we create spiritual rhythms when our days don’t have much rhythm at all?
I was grateful to talk with my friend Jen Pollock Michel, who has written about creating a “rule of life” that meets us not in an idealized version of our lives, but in the lives we’re actually living.
1. A rule of life is about regular rhythms, not rigid rules.
Jen defines a rule of life as “a set of regular habits and practices” that sustain a faithful response to God’s loving voice. I felt my shoulders relax a little when she said that—an invitation to respond to God’s love in a way that supports ordinary life rather than adding another list of demanding goals.
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2. Caregiving requires making room for the unpredictable.
Because caregiving is full of interruptions and contingencies, Jen had to rethink her work, volunteering, and other commitments so she could create margin for the responsibilities she couldn’t schedule.
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3. Receive your life as it actually is.
Rather than trying to force our lives into an ideal template, Jen encourages us to take stock of our actual limits, opportunities, responsibilities, bodies, finances, relationships, and circumstances—and let those realities shape our commitments.
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4. Turn ordinary caregiving tasks into spiritual practices.
Jen began pairing specific caregiving moments, like zipping her mom’s coat, with short, simple prayers. She also practiced speaking tenderly and walking slowly, and she used Scripture, music, and gratitude to become more attentive to God in the middle of caregiving.
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5. Receive help instead of trying to carry everything yourself.
Jen encourages caregivers to say yes when people offer help and, when they don’t know what to ask for, to let others get creative—for example, a church member created a visit schedule so Jen’s mom, who has Alzheimer’s, could have regular visitors while Jen was traveling.
Caregiving can be chaotic and tedious all in the same day. Jen offers hope and a beautiful invitation in the midst of that reality. For more, you can find our conversation on Take the Next Step wherever you listen to podcasts:
Finding Spiritual Rhythms in the Chaos of Caregiving • Jen Pollock Michel
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Amy Julia Becker desires to challenge assumptions about the good life, proclaim the inherent belovedness of every human being, and help us envision and build a world of belonging where everyone matters. Amy Julia invites people to reimagine the good life through her writing and speaking on disability, faith, and culture. She is the author of several books, including To Be Made Well, White Picket Fences, Small Talk, and A Good and Perfect Gift. She is a guest opinion writer for national publications and hosts two podcasts: Take the Next Step and Reimagining the Good Life. Becker is a graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary (MDiv). She is a member of the Disability Ministry Network and the Alliance for Disability Justice and Ethics in Reproductive Genetics. She lives with her husband and their three children in western Connecticut.
