Early in our marriage, Peter and I learned—the hard way—that we do not process stress and grief the same way. We’re not alone. Parenting a child with disabilities amplifies the everyday pressures of family life. There are more appointments, more decisions, more financial considerations, and chronic stress can make emotional and physical connection difficult. If you’re raising a child with disabilities and wondering how to strengthen your marriage, here are a few meaningful and manageable steps from my conversation with Todd and Kristin Evans:
1. Name the struggle.
Vulnerability creates connection. Saying, “I’m having a hard time,” is an invitation, not a weakness.
2. Commit to five minutes a day.
Commit to a five-minute check-in with no logistics, no medications, no schedules. It’s simply caring for one another. Research shows that small, consistent moments of connection build trust over time.
3. Practice micro-acts of stress reduction.
Three deep breaths. A mindful pause while watching the coffee creamer swirl. A moment of awareness when your body feels overwhelmed. These small resets matter, especially for caregivers who live in sustained stress.
4. Offer physical connection.
A 30-second hug can calm the nervous system and remind both of you: we are on the same team.
5. Get outside together, even briefly.
Thirty minutes out of the house can feel impossible. It might require creativity, community support, or small steps. But stepping away from monitors and routines, even for a short walk within half a mile of home, can bring renewal.
6. Seek support proactively.
Support groups, a trusted friend, a church community, or professional counseling—these are not last resorts but rather are wise investments. We were never meant to do disability parenting alone.
Thriving is not the absence of hard things. It is the presence of love in the midst of it all. I’d love to hear what practices have helped you strengthen your marriage along the way.
“Thriving in Marriage as Disability Parents with Todd and Kristin Evans” is live now on Take the Next Step with Amy Julia Becker🎙️Ep 13 (grateful to create Take the Next Step together with Hope Heals)
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