When people don’t understand your child’s disability—or when they make comments or ask questions that cross a line—it can be tricky to know how to respond in the moment. You want to educate others, but you also want to protect your child’s privacy.
Here’s how Carrie Hahn, a pediatric speech-language pathologist and mom, handles it with her son, Dan:
“Dan and I talk about these situations ahead of time,” Carrie says. “They can be really triggering for him, so we’ve realized the only way to completely avoid them would be to never go anywhere—which isn’t realistic. So instead, we plan for when it happens.”
Here’s what that looks like:
Have the conversation ahead of time. Talk about the fact that uncomfortable or inappropriate questions might come up. Acknowledge how it feels and make a plan together.
Respect your child’s privacy. Carrie promises Dan she won’t share personal information unless he wants her to.
Give choices in the moment. When someone asks a question, Carrie turns to Dan and says, “Do you want to stay for this conversation, or would you like to find somewhere else to sit while I talk to this person?”
Keep it general. If she decides to engage, Carrie keeps her answers broad—focusing on general facts about blindness, not Dan’s personal experiences.
“But a lot of times when it happens is when he’s not around, thankfully,” Carrie adds. “Someone might say, ‘That’s sad.’ And I’ll say, ‘Actually, it’s not sad. This is blindness. This is how he is. And we love him the way he is.’ Something really basic like that. And then I just try to move on from it. I keep it simple and not too emotionally charged—very matter of fact—and then just kind of let them sit with that.”
Empower your child. Dan gets to decide whether to participate or step away. Either choice is valid.
There’s more in my Take the Next Step conversation with Carrie Hahn!
How to Handle Awkward Questions About Disability with Carrie Hahn
SUBSCRIBE to my Substack newsletter: amyjuliabecker.substack.com
JOIN the conversation on Instagram: @amyjuliabecker
LISTEN to my podcasts: amyjuliabecker.com/shows/
CONNECT on YouTube: Amy Julia Becker on YouTube
