I thought my job as a mom was to fix the deficits. Instead, I was missing the delight. On this week’s podcast, I talked with therapist and author Sissy Goff about how when our daughter Penny was young—she’s almost 20 now—there was a lot of pressure to have an “agenda” for her development. It wasn’t just something I felt internally. It was the implicit message from professionals and society:
Make sure she doesn’t fall behind.
Make sure that she hits the milestones.
But when we focus only on deficits, it affects our ability to truly delight in our children. Psychologists call this confirmation bias. We find what we’re looking for. If we’re only looking at what’s missing, that’s all we see.
What if we focused instead on delight? What if we intentionally noticed our child’s delights, their strengths, and the things they enjoy? And here’s the remarkable part: when we delight together, development happens naturally.
For us, it was reading. Penny loved books. We weren’t focused on fine motor skills or any of the deficits—just on sharing something she enjoyed. In the process:
- skills developed
- relationships strengthened
- delight became mutual
Not every child loves reading. Some want to run, dance, or explore outside. The key is this: pay attention to who your child is and what they love. Trust that the way they are developing will still happen—and your relationship will be richer for it.
When we focus on delight instead of deficit, we see our children more fully. And when they feel seen and loved for who they are, they thrive in ways that checklists could never capture.
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Parenting Tip from therapist Sissy Goff, LPC-MHSP:
Each week, take time to notice and reflect on two things:
(Bonus if you write them down!)
- 3 ways your child has grown
- 3 strengths you see in them right now
And then pay more attention to their growth and strengths than the deficits.
This simple practice transforms your relationship and deepens connection.
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There’s more! Listen to or watch this week’s episode of Take the Next Step: Parenting Kids with Disabilities: The Power of Delight with Sissy Goff
Listen on your favorite podcast platform.
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